March 21, 2012
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“Bob’s having Fun!” I don’t like the sound of that…
I was.. (Sorry, “So I wuz…“) cutting evil asparagus at 5:30 this morning. It grows here everywhere the lazy local natives allow it to. Kills trees, makes the supposed Promised Land look like back-water Alabama in the throes of a Kudzu epidemic.
And I asked myself, out loud for effect: ‘So, what-ya doin’, sunshine?’
Had to think about it for a while. I mean, a guy asks you a serious question, deserves a serious answer, no?
And in a flash it hit me:“I’m having fun!” I said, in the voice of a Comic-book Ad I saw once; it portrayed ‘Bob’, surrounded by nubile 50′s chicks, X-ray spec discretely perched on his imposing forehead like Warren Beatty in ‘You’re so Vain‘.
And from the back page of the book, I was being told, not in so many words, to send my child-like life savings, $3.19 at the time, to somewhere in Texas, and then I’d ‘have fun’, Just like Bob.
I didn’t, which is probably why my childhood was such a wash, fun-wise.Anyway, I don’t even like the sound of the phrase, hence this post.“Fun” I get, but why ‘having’? To me, “Having” is for ‘having a stroke’, or a conniption-fit, or having the neighbors in the next trailer-home over for burgers on the Fourth, just to see if they’re as dumb as they sound.
And so, having turned up my nose at the expression in English, it behooves me ( if I want to be an ass about it, or a donkey) to check other languages. Surely their ‘Bob‘s have fun also, even though they do have to take courses to learn how to talk to each other about it in foreign tongues.
1) Hebrew: Strike-out. We don’t even have a progressive (‘-ing’) tense. There’s a verb for ‘enjoy’ but it sounds so formal, plus I don’t even know how to use it in the first person anymore here. ‘Fun’ we got: ‘Kef’. Kids talk about it. Nah, too juvenile. If backed into a corner, I’d tell the guy that I’m ‘ooh’say ha’eem’-ing. (‘Making a life’.) But it’s really not how I’d describe killing asparagus if I had a choice. Next.2) German: Surely the fun-loving Aryans have a plethora of expressions? Let’s try Google:
‘Ich habe Spaß’.’ Yeah, figgered. They’re stuck in the same rut as us in English, ‘cept their word for fun sounds like ‘Bob’ but with a Swedish-chef ‘sh’ tacked on. Pass. (Oh, the ‘B’ is an ‘SS’? Well, too late, sauer-kraut…
3) French: “Je m’amuse“ Ha. ‘I’m amusing myself.’ Sorry, sounds vaguely masturbatory. Auf wiedersehen,Froggie-breath.4) Spanish: Google claims “Me estoy divirtiendo“. Somehow I never heard a native speaker say that. Must be a diversionary tactic. I’m sure someone here can tell me what real Latinos say when they’re having some kind of fun.
5) And finally, from left field, some unknown language, chosen to add diversity to this post. Lets’ see… hmm.. ok, Polish, why not?:
“Jestem zabicie szparagi“
OMG! I looked at this phrase and felt an electric shock of kinship, as if perhaps somewhere in my lineage a smiling Polish bride, complete with a retinue of well-wishers shusshing the flies off her bodice, was telling me from beyond the grave; ‘Paisano! You are one of us.”
So Polish, thank the loving gods.
All in all it was a a productive experience; this Q & A before dawn. Some questions apparently can only be answered in a language which embraces the the essential human thrill of … well.. killing asparagus. Perhaps at first as a metaphor, but over time, solidly entrenched as standard vocabulary.
Ok, back to Herbicide.
Comments (34)
I think backwoods Alabama is always in the throes of a Kudzu epidemic. And LA, and MS, and TX…in fact, I don’t think you even have to go to the backwoods. You can see the Kudzu right from the interstate highway system. szparagi is Polish for asparagus?? That’s one thing I’ve never tried to grow. I love to eat it, though.
Je m’amuse avec mon BOB…oy!
Here you don’t have to “have” warfare on the asparagus. If there are cows within a mile (it’s Texas, so…) they will knock down fences, ford rivers and rush highways to dig the vegetable from the ground. I’ve even tried planting it at night so’s they don’t know. But they always know. Betchoo didn’t know the Eyes of Texas were glassy and bovine.
Anyway, the Germans say they “have” fun in the same way they they “have” hunger, which is to say it “has” them. So much for active/passive voice.
@ordinarybutloud - They say you can eat this version, but I hate it too much to want to put it in my tummy.
Yes, Polish. Kinda a spoof, but it worked for the story. We both know about that.
@seedsower - Oh no! Beth’s having fun. Talking French. With Bob. I feel left out:)
You make me laugh! I have also never heard anyone say me estoy divitiendo.
@blonde_apocalypse - So what we need is a nice jewish feral cow. I’ll get on it.
Yes, it’s the passivity, precisely. When I’m doin’ it right, it’s cuz I’m ‘making’ fun. Actively. So to speak. Hard work these days.
@BoulderChristina - Yeah, isn’t it like, “Oy, carumba!”, but with the exclamation-point all upside-down?
Lovely to see you enjoyed it. Bon azparagii!
@jsolberg -
You know where I live!
Nope we don’t say “me estoy divirtiendo” ever lol spanish has too many variables and those I can think of are not really proper to share
to be enjoying we could say “estoy alegre” or “estoy contento” but what we actually say wneh we mean “I’m having fun” is far beyond what’s considered civil in the rest of languages haha
Mexico: “estoy chido”
Guatemala: “estoy chingando” the “chingar” verb is actually to fuck lol but it doesn’t refer to sexual intercourse here.
El Salvador: “estoy bergon” which has to do with the male genitalia.
Just a few examples…
Bob s’amuse avec du coton génétiquement modifié, tandis que les herbes de cochon s’amusent avec Bob. Kudzu may be a problem in Alabama, but pigweed, which has already evolved a resistance to GM cotton, is worse. Have fun.
Asparagus grows wild here, too, but we’re so bam-dackward that we just eat it to get rid of it. Way back in another lifetime I made it a point to eat nothing but asparagus for dinner the night before any employment related drug urinalysis. And to sing either Alice’s Restaurant or Highway 61 Revisited throughout the entire degrading interaction.
@xXxlovelylollipop - When people talk about ‘What Xanga’s done for me.’ I’m pretty sure having someone sweet as you to explain with a voice of authority stuff I was just dying to know is on the list. I get chills when I learn things, always did. Just put on a warm jacket, y todo es tu culpa♥
@HappierHeathen - I usually make a bonfire, just to kill the seeds. Ok, to watch it suffer too, I guess. Both of those songs/albums work well. I’ve hired hundreds of carpenters, and if the competition’s stiff I usually ask ‘em to sing a few bars of Arlo Guthrie. you know, with the circles and arrows.
@we_deny_everything - Yeah, it’s either “What hath Monsanto wrought?” or “I am the Destroyer of worlds.” (Bob Oppenheimer’s quote after the first blast.) We also have a Lantana invasive, which would ruin Bob’s day with its horrid sweet smell, raspy branches, and ’till death do us part’ persistence.
The kid in the ad, Bob, made tons of side money in Junior High selling Wolverine brand Salve to all his neighbors. And chicks just swarmed over him for it, of course. My Dad nixed my dream of trying it, and thus ruined my life. Oh well.
@HappierHeathen - Babe Ruth once told his hostess at a fancy dinner, “Sorry, I don’t eat asparagus. It makes my urine smell.”
In Colombia I can’t think of a “tener” way to talk about fun. “Pasando muy rico” is one expression. @xXxlovelylollipop - In Mexico “estoy chingando” can mean working hard, as in “Aquí chingando; me traen al puro pedo”.
@Roadkill_Spatula - yup in mexico “chingar” has many meanings, it’s used to say something is nice like in “esta chingon” or something is awful as in “esta de la chingada”…also as in fuck it’d be “me chingo” it’s a very verstile word lol
@xXxlovelylollipop - ”Se la chingó” means “He spent it” or “He drank it” (talking about money or liquor). Pedo is also versatile: “Mira qué pedo. Anda pedo el güey. Me traen al puro pedo. No tengo de ese pedo. Se metió de pedo con aquél.”
@Roadkill_Spatula - yup versatile words, we latins have many ways to make a normal statement sound as vulgar as it can lol here in Guatemala is “mierda” we use it for everything, in most cases it’s used as a replacement of any existing word
@xXxlovelylollipop - @Roadkill_Spatula - Do go on, with my eaves-dropping blessing.! This is how a guy like me gets smart. I’m starting to think my own Puerto-Ricano slang is tired-er than ’23-skidoo’ (from the US 30′s?)
@jsolberg - I don’t know about puerto rico, but from Venezuela to Mexico there’s a nice flow of people so we tend to know what something means in every country
I see that an intervention is in order. How clever of you to blame asparagus when we all know the true reason! It’s time to come clean. We must take that comic book you’ve been saving with Bob and his nubile nymphs ad and trash it (or feed it to those Texas cows – they’ll eat anything).We just want you to have fun.
@xXxlovelylollipop - At La Bourincana, the kiosk, if you weren’t a cabron you were a bendajo. Some guys were both. I was just a gringo and a blanco, even though I’m as dark as anyone there.
@Kellsbella - Hmm.. in my model perfect world, everyone is happy all the time, having fun. I still like the Polish expression. (which I’ll admit I made up from whole cloth.)
probably a good thing that you don’t live in an orange grove
Asparagus is a cash crop around here! Perhaps export would be an option? Just saying…
@an_OM_aly - Um, I do live amidst orange groves, and most of them, abandoned because of globalization prices, have been turned into asparagus wastelands by the thoughtless ex-owners. Breaks my heart. I posted the whole story of my rescue attempt a couple years ago. Since then the absentee owner scolded me ‘Why bother?’ and it’s returned to Kudzu Heaven. Or Hell.
@murisopsis - This species is a relative, but not bred to look like anything much on a table. ‘Asparagus horribilus’ I think Lineaus calls it. Like the Grizzly bear, but with roots 20 feet deep.
Tel Aviv-Yafo the Big Orange
@an_OM_aly - By me it’s the big orange um… agent orange. Never warmed up to the place. Why do people want to live like that, fighting over every dirty square meter? Even when I was the darling of the joint, I counted the minutes till I was out of the jurisdiction. Liked it better back when Jaffa was a separate entity. Like in the days of the Sea People and the Phoenicians.
Polish people don’t like asparagus either? I, too, feel instant kinship.
@elgan - Haha. I love your comments. The secret here is that (shhh!) I didn’t enter ‘I’m having fun’ into Google’s Polish translator. I entered something else, more in tune with my preconceived notions.
I torture myself at times wondering whether I should have made that clear in the post, but at the expense of what I thought was a cool ‘in’ joke. Ah, life.
So many things to do with have. I mean there’s the haves and the have-nots, and there’s have to as in must as in sounds like musth but that’s elephants not asparagus so I musth go now.
Have a happy.