January 21, 2012
-
Poetic Anonymity
Jus’ be careful with them on-line forms, is all I’m sayin’…
{BELOW: TODAY’S POETRY LESSON}
Me: ‘Yonatan Stonewall’
Address:
’1432 Nowhere Road/
Anytown, USA’
Yes, Yer Honor, dat’s my ‘Abode’
…an’ it’s all I plan to say…The Judge: fairly typical, but vocal at times:
Seems a tad generic, boy.
You thought we wouldn’t notice?
Like-the time you listed ‘Redding’, then filled-
In your ‘Name:’ as ‘Otis’?Me: Uh oh. I remember that. Napster. She’s got a file on me?
Well I bet this one ain’t in it:1 7 2 9 Hardy Road, yeah my
Mom’s a taxi-dermist
Steals feathers from old mattresses
The best ones are the firmestJudge: Not amused:
Son, remember, all this can, and
will be used against you.
You will rot in jail, you’ll eat your shoes
and, believe me, that’s a ‘dense chew’.Hmm…‘Contrived rhyme’: deduct 10 points. But ‘tell it to the judge’.
Meanwhile; more threats and tricks:Judge:
This Court has ways to make you talk
We can cut you like a knife
This ‘crib’ you claim on ‘Nowhere Road’;
Have you lived there all your life?Me: Haha. Who’s she, my straight-man?
“Not yet, Your Honor, things take time.” (*rim-shot*)
(By the way, your outfit’s stunning!)
Let’s meet in chambers, have a ball
Then hit the cold earth running.
Judge: Neither amused nor impressed. Tightens the knot:Let’s look at pictures, shall we, Boy?
Here’s one, might be familiar?
It’s either you or Myrna Loy
You decide, or we’ll get sillierMe: Gulp. ‘They know’. Deep breath. Ignore…
OK, the dude resembles me
Let’s say he just got lucky
But-the-shades, they’re so ‘last century’
Guy’s old, and dumb, and ‘sucky’Judge: Rustling through her files. (Letterman and Leno done that too, when things weren’t going well):
’1 3 5 9 7th Ave’,
an odd choice of a-dress?
Not sayin’ you wear them women’s clothes
But you will, ‘under duress’.Me: Again with the homo prison-threats? This shit’s gettin’ old.
Might as well throw myself to the mercy of the Court:Ya got me, counsel, fair and square
I am Solberg, in the flesh
Now habeas my corpus
While the meat’s still young and freshJudge: Gulp. Then Bang. (shuts off cameras)
I find the-defendant guilty
of ‘Impersonation One’
Postpone the Sentence Phase until the
Parties have some funMe: Uh oh. Might have to get drunk for this.
YES, THIS POST IS POETRY
Functional, practical, rhythmic, and properly rhyming.
Call it ‘Sing-song’ if you must, but it kept me out of Sing-Sing, so there.
You were expecting {blank} verse??Man
Alone in the Kosmos
At least he hopes
Wary of Cookbooks
A Box of Baco-bits
Last one on the Quickee-Mart shelf
Praying to remain in its current state
Forever and a day
A dollar thirty eight you pay
The Fine Structure constant
A co-incidence?
And a pie for $3.14?
Also the work of cruel chance?
The food is now yours
It will soon be a part of you
Alone again in the KosmosNah, who the hell knows what that stuff means. Cute formatting though
Me, I’m a sucker for the lyric-ready:
A tear is just a tear
It rhymes with ‘here’ or ‘there’
But f*ck me if I know which one?
Gets fundamentally more un-clear
As Time goes by
END of LESSON. (TEST as soon as I come up for parole.)
Comments (27)
trans/bi genderism, sounds kind’a prophetic for me today. Awesome, thanks for sharing, this gave me some lovely images back from the ol’ forgotten life.
Solberg, you tower above the competing beasts
(one curious accident away from rather educational feasts)
like a giraffe in a circus parade,
(of which a lot of nonsensical rhyme can be made)
except for the 40 foot whooping crane.
(Avoiding court because, from downloading a song, it did refrain.).
Whew.
The shades are actually last century, but I think they might be coming around again here in the new millennium. I’m no judge, Yonatan.
That reminds me, I still own an inactive yahoo account under the name Donald Duck. The zip code was in Guam. Life used to be so much simpler back in the last century.
@Lakakalo - Yep, soap, soup, whatever they call it, obviously on my mind here. Nice poem. I’ll survive in the circus. Eat lots of basil. me ‘n the Lisa
@we_deny_everything - Aha, an account from Tomorrow, on the other side of the date line. Quick, they might have canceled it yesterday.
@ordinarybutloud - I know both those facts. Shades are my dad’s from the, like, 50s… and I’m just practicing getting off in court on charm, since substance is probably out. Hmm. “If I did it, this sure ain’t how”, might sell a copy or two.
@xXxlovelylollipop - What an intriguing comment. Wouldn’t mind being stuck in a cell with you though. Long as we had Xanga:)
@jsolberg -
I bet you’d be quite a great company to share a cell
If we were in a cell I’d gladly explain the comment to you lol
@xXxlovelylollipop - Great, it’s a date then. We’ll rob a tienda wearing clown-suits, and leave ‘em on for the getaway. I’ll bring the water-pistols.
@jsolberg - I thought the old saying went Lisa Bonet ate no basil.
@Lakakalo - yes of course, Al is on record as testifying. But Love conquers All, and I’ve prevailed on her to at least give it a try. Not the most solid basis for a relationship, agreed, but hey, PPLs can change
Against the judge I hold no grudge
For calling my wife “Dumb Dora”
After she called HIM an old curmudge.
She took “forms” as “forums,” read: fora.
@twoberry - Perfecto! (And I quick checked for a possible typo in the first line; It’s just like men of your caliber to bring it to my attention with a sly poem.
Yeah the Judge, she ok. Opted not to carve any lacunae in my curriculum vitae
I struggle to add to this, and can come up with only nuclear, but it’s faulty because it tackles only the “un” and not the “clear” in the way /you/ read, sometimes, right-to-left. Are you ok? I wonder what you think of the term: multiverse. One great thing about your piece is it led to my finding this:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Metaverse
As time goes by? Hey, I don’t mind killing time this way, but good lord, I hope you are ok.
U R what you eat
Bake a bit of 4 and 20 blackbirds
Pie R how square is the meat?
One Saturday night special cut up in thirds
Once again I feel decidedly duckless as I peruse your last several posts. http://classes.yale.edu/05-06/chem220a/private/gallery/liebowitz2.htm
@Roadkill_Spatula - We all feel duckless at times. There are, luckily, toll-free numbers to call.
Yeah, I’ve been posting while you party. And wishing it were reversed.
For some reason, this reminds me, I need to sharpen my kitchen knives.
@chromepoet - Heaven knows why, but I trust your instincts instinctively. Both food-preparation and self-defense are unarguable considerations.
Haha! I know some rednecks who would sound just like that in court.
Why am I in court?
not because of any tort.
original or re
According to reports
my romancing is sans warts
yet it wasn’t bigamy
I’m too old for crazy capers
I didn’t take two papers
after paying for just one
I’m not here because i’m violent
I have no villainy to rue
I can’t make sense of this summons
Didn’t Kafka dream this too?
You have been awarded the Versatile Blogger Award! Click here for the rules
@twoberry - Your creation is, as I felt about my own perhaps-obscure poem here; “God may explain what it means… someday.”
@MelFamy - Good Extension of the Theme/20 points. Me, I’m guilty as sin, so verse was simply a diversion/ a purchase of time.
@railfan - Yeah, ‘if you must talk nonsense, puhleese try ‘n make it rhyme..’ Mose Allison said that. Thanks for seeing the cowboy-poet here, buddy.
@lily_scarlet - Why thank you, Rosa. A classy award.