June 8, 2013

  • Why’s “Y’s Wise Words” off line? here’s a story cut out for him:

         Just noticed that my delightfully-redundant and mythical ‘friend’ ‘Y’ has shut his site down. Maybe he reopened under “Wise ‘Y’s Words” though. I do remember him vacillating between the two titles…
        Reason being, I just heard this fascinating story about a pair of Wild-West heroes, and ‘Y’d probably love to read about it. The guy can’t resist mindless repetition in language:



    Anyway, as the story goes, Elliot Ness and his loyal sidekick, Lester (the molester) were going through some hard financial times. Right there I already empathize with the guys, being broke, or badly bent, myself lately.
    So Lester led off:
    “We penniless, Ness” said Lester,a dour look on his battle-scarred face.
    “Don’t say ‘We penniless, Ness’, Les.” Ness replied. Perhaps he was in partial denial, (just like me)
    Lester, though,  as a true side-kick is wont to, was at his best when seeing the bright side of life. He immediately replied:
    “Why cain’t I say ‘We penniless, Ness.’, Ness?”
    “Oh.. mebbe on account of how come we do have a case of Guinness” Ness reminded him.
        Alcohol, as we all know by know, is both the cause, and the solution, to most of  Life’s Problems.
    “Right you are, boss.” Lester yes-man-ed him. “Guess I got lucky when the fire broke out, knew just what to save.”
        Elliot and Lester pondered, (if wild-westerners ponder?) the mysterious conflagration which had caught them un-awares in the camp just a week previously.
    “You saved the Stout, buddy, gotta hand it to you… but three cases of Yuengling Beer blew up like the 4th of July while we watched helplessly.” Ness said, always seeing the half-empty cup.

    “Well, I had to choose, Boss. Two minutes to decide. And although I despise beer-less-ness, Ness, I can abide Guinness-less-ness less, Ness.”
    Elliot wanted to pursue the matter to the bitter end, and so he asked:
    “Why did you just say you ‘abide Guineness-less-ness less, Ness,’ Les?”
    Lester was flommoxed. Whatever that word means. He’d realized, even as a child, that the real Meaning of Life, (with due respect to ’42′), was Man’s ability to create sentences never before spoken, to use punctuation which even Xanga’s Editor may never have imagined to be necessary. I dearly wish I had a side-kick like Les….who quickly said:
    “Nessie, when you just now asked, “Why do you say ‘I abide Guinness-less-ness less, Ness’?',Les”, I died inside. Along with several kittens. I actually considered perhaps teaming up, ok, in some future World, with some other boss. ‘Jsolberg’, fer example. He’d appreciate what I go through to spice up the dialogue.
    “You actually envision a life, of, y’know, ‘Ness-less-ness’!?” Elliot was taken aback. (wherever that is)
    Lester knew when to cease-fire:
    “Not to worry, Ness. Drain a pint on me, and then back to the real world, y’know, bullets.”
    (Hugs all around) End of story.

Comments (13)

  • Less is more was never more true, I guess.

  • JS, well done. Check your messages.

  • I confess I cannot express to excess how you impress with your prowess, so I acquiesce to less success.

  • I don’t know about pondering, but Wild West figures do figure (or figger, according to their parlance).

    I’m afraid I can’t add anything to your piece. You covered all the bases and a good part of the outfield.

    The first time I saw Yuengling beer I wondered why we were importing ale from China.

  • @Roadkill_Spatula - Haha*10^23! tim, it’s comments like this, from you, which I’ll miss, should I be forced to miss. IDK, i have this loyalty bent, which can be seen alternately as the admirable stuff of legends, or conversely as a silly consistency, the infamous hobgoblin of limited minds. I may or may not be able to recreate the xanga experience on some other site, but a part of me will always pine for my first true love.
    yuengling is brewed in Reading PA, if I’m not mistaken. They do have a convincing pagoda up on the mountain there though. Coincidence? I thinketh not…

  • @somewittyhandle - a nice surfeit of ‘ess’es’, as fate would have it. We’ll both be sued now by the Lisp Society.

  • @twoberry - while you dream of creating a word with 7 letters only God or a Mother could love, I’m busily trying to fall asleep writing impossible prose. We pretty much suffer from the same malady. A class-action suit sounds doable. But on *my* budget, i’m sure i’ll be forced to choose Sears’ “Good’ off-the-shelf suit, with only three postage-stamp sized fabric samples to vacillate over. it’s invigorating to be in touch with someone who likely remembers that phase of post-war life/ JS

  • I see you online. As am I.

  • alcohol is the cause, as well as the solution, to all of life’s problems. That is *so true*. You are wise. I hope I will continue to “see” you online on a regular basis. I remember the first time you commented on one of my posts! It was while I was battling the fire ants. I won the battle (and gained a friend) but lost the war, alas. Ah, well. As with ants, as with so many things.

  • @ordinarybutloud - Thank you, dahling, for the nice words. I’ll probably join you on WP at some point.
    But only if I can choose a larger font and darker text color than the one you use. Other than that, your site there is a spiffy joy.

  • @jsolberg - hahahahahaha…I love a gently-worded constructive criticism. I wonder if I have any control over the font size and text color? I guess I’ll look into that. I picked “Manifesto” because it was devoid of personality or bells/whistles and thus seemed easy to read. Plus on my Mac, you just do that two finger spread thingy on your screen and whatever you’re looking at gets bigger. So. Don’t really pay attention to font size any more. I have a gmail at ordinarybutloud, BTW. Unlike you, though, I rarely check it. I suppose I should start checking it.

  • Solberg, you tower above the competing beasts like a giraffe in a circus parade, except for the 40 foot whooping crane.

    Strangely, I keep thinking, what if the story took place in more recent times. And instead of alcohol, all Lester managed to save was an old Star Wars action figure of Obi Wan.

  • “being broke, or badly bent” is a position I’m familiar with, having just paid $600 to fix my truck today.

    Props to you for the well-hidden hat tipped to the great Douglas Adams.

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